Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
