i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
