I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude i'm inner monologue high
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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