Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
A+ Viking dick
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
