Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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