I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
