im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
im on a boat
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