Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
