porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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