one two three fourrrrnication!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
