wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
