I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
