Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
