You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
