i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Four minutes until I can fart!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
