Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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