no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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