I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
