Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
