I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
