the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
