Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
