the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
