i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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