All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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