I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
