my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
