Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
