woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
