u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
