I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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