I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
