I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
