Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
