plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
