You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
