dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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