Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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