Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
