I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
smell my finger.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
