No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
