He asked me if I "almost moaned"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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