I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
