I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
