So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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