I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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