i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
