the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
