I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
