HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
