Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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